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Every so often, Assault receives an overseas order from some obscure country that always seems just a little bit… off. We get plenty of international orders and are happy to ship our shirts to different countries, but every once in awhile we simply cannot ship to a certain address because it is a PO box overseas, or because they order 10 of every shirt, or their credit card does not match (majority of the time) This particular overseas scammer was quite confusing (and most of the time quite clueless and funny to laugh at) so we’ve decided to share with you Mr. 51%’s email exchange after we were notified from paypal that the credit card was fraudulent.

Every time we get an order through the site Mr. 51% sends me an uber excited text message. This time his puppy-dog like enthusiastic message was followed up with an exasperated “oh, it’s another scammer, never mind” The contents of “Cat Kids” or Dias Sapoetra’s order were as follows:

• 2 medium Dead Spartan Warrior
• 2 small Dead Spartan Warrior
• 2 extra small Chainsaw Killer Bunnies
• 1 small Patriot Sam Skull Shirt
• 2 medium Patriot Sam Skull Shirts
• 2 small deranged graphic t-shirts

If that was his real order that would have been our biggest order to date, and it was all going to

Dias Sapoetra
Runkoet mejoyoe
Soerabayae, 43220

I have no CLUE where that even is.  This is where things start to get interesting after Paypal contacts us letting us know that this was a fraudulent order. We receive an email from Cat Kids saying:

please give me confirm about my order. this is my order Number: 1477

Mr. 51% makes up that we do not take orders for under 500 bucks. (because we do) Warning: Before reading any further down this message I want to let you know that it may get a bit immature and unprofessional–which is not how we run our business. That being said, here is what Mr. 51% responds with fully knowing this is a scammer responds with:

I am sorry to inform you, but we do not accept orders under 500 dollars from overseas.  Please increase your order accordingly or make arrangements to give us sweet blowjays.

I’m assuming that Cat Kids doesn’t speak English very well based on the fact that his response seemed to completely omit the fact that Mr. 51% demanded he arrange some sweet blowjays for us because his response contained no such arrangements:

dear seller,
so, what i must do? or i must orders 500 or more? wow, but i dont have 1000 more.
can i order under 1000 but more than 500? thanks for this inform. many thanks for you…
reply

Again, the Cat Kids has amazed us with his broken English. “Thanks for this inform” That’s almost as classic as “are your base are belong to us”  Mr. 51% is Johnny-on-the-spot and pens a quick response:

I don’t know what you are talking about.  Where did the number 1,000 come from?  You confuse me.  Keep the shiny side up and the rubber side down.  Peace.

It being that I’m Cc’d on all the emails we get I have had the pleasure of watching this unfold via my iphone–but did Craig just tell Cat Kids how to put on a condom in a lyrically gangster style way? Most excellent. We thought this would be the last we heard from our scammer since we had all but dismissed his ridiculousness with sarcastic and dirty requests/tips. Here’s what we received as a response:

dear craig,
thank you for your inform. i’m sorry. i make you confuse with my e-mail. i mean 1000 dollars. is not important. but now, i just interest with your item which i ordered to you. what  i must do to complete my order? please tell me about that. i must adding my order? or i must give more cost with my same order? thanks. reply
regard,

I make you confuse. You make me confuse too Cat Kids. I have interest in how you managed to get a stolen credit card when you’re so dumb you can’t even form a decent sentence? You should definitely give more cost with your same order. Mr 51% responds with his best email yet (this one actually made me laugh out loud when I read it)

You must giving more cost for about that same order.  I just interest to know with which form you filled out by payment completion.  I mailed your similar order upon to you.  Pontoon boat.  And aids.  Band-aids.  I hope this helps out with which enquiry you asked me to do.  Your order should be arrived to you soon.

-Craig

I believe that Mr. 51% went deep with this  email and channeled his “inner Indonesian scam artist”. If we had a warehouse, this would be printed on a big  banner and hung on the wall like those QS1000 certification banners, “Pontoon boat. And aids. Band-aids. I hope this helps out” Greatness. Still despite the utter ridiculousness of that, the scammer continues (he must really want some Assault Shirts)

dear craig,
thank you for your help. but i have a little confused about your explain. “I mailed your similar order upon to you.  Pontoon boat.  And aids.  Band-aids.” what mean of this? and then, what i must do? thanks for your helpful.
glad to see you soon,

Glad to see you soon? Looks like Mr. 51% is going to actually get to meet our scammer IN REALZ LIFE! What mean of this indeed Mr. 51%. Now, even I’m somewhat estranged from what you mean. Thanks for you being not so helpful! Next up Mr. 51% ships Assault branded Aids!

I’m sorry.  What I meant was that upon receival of your confirmation, we will be shipping you Aids.  Band-aids.  The history of our company originated from large buckets of Aids, so that’s what we call our orders.  So once you can confirm your delivery address, we will ship Aids to you via a boat.  That’s where the pontoon boat comes in.  So please verify your address.  When you do, we will charge your credit card another $300 and will then send you a big bucket of Aids.

-Craig

At this time I think Mr. 51%, aka Craig, sounds more like an Indonesian scammer than the actual Indonesian scammer! Believe it or not, the Cat Kids would like us to add more Aids to his order, according to what he says here:

dear craig,
please add more item any item at your shop or add more quantity of my order, up to the cost $600. charge my credit card and ship to my order address that you have, ship by priority air mail. i think that more simple. thanks
reply

More aids it is Cat Kids.

Ok.  That is the confirmation that I need.  I am so sorry for this hassle.  I will ship your order and look forward to the excellent blowjays that I hear you are capable of doing.  And you are a guzzler, correct?
-Craig

Phew! It’s a good thing Mr. 51% didn’t forget about the sweet blowjays. I thought we’d be missing out on Cat kids’ amazing guzzler skills?

Dear Craig
thank you for your information
can I change item what I`m ordered ?
i will give you list item what I wanna order where have total order more than $500
glad to hear you soon
thank you

Regards,

Pretty straightforward scam jib jabby right there–this is where Mr. 51% truly goes NSFW and knocks it out of the park:

Did you just pull the “old switcheroo” on me?  Kinda like when you’re doin’ a broad from behind and have a friend sneak in and take your place, then you go outside the window and wave….that’s some tricky stuff there!!!!!!  You sneaky dog, you…..  You can change your order no problem.  It’s good that you got to me when you did, because I was about to ship the other one.  Do you want to just place it on our website or give me a new order via email?  Itreallydoesntmattercuzimnotgoingtoshipittoyourscammingassanyway.

I can’t wait to hear back from you soon!!!!!!!!!
-Craig

The old switcheroo. Not sure  that’d actually work. Regardless, Mr. 51% has surely touched the stove with his last line with no spaces. I assume we won’t be hearing from our mildly retarded friend Cat Kids again anytime soon. 6 days go by and Mr. 51% has decided to stick his hand back in the bees nest to stir it up a bit with an email to our favorite Indonesian, Cat Kids. (Why Craig has time to do this while I tirelessly work on the website and new designs I’ll never know, but it makes me laugh so I let  it go)

Hey,
I still have not seen your changed order.  I have received your money; do you not want these shirts anymore?  I thought you wanted more shirts?  Or do you not want more shirts?  Where is the love?
Craig

This is what we received back as of 9 hours ago (mind you this whole ordeal has gone on for maybe two weeks now.)

dear craig,

i’m sorry i’m go for a long time last week. so i can see my PC for a long time i think. so can i order again? cause i think you see me like bad guy??

regards,

He go for long time? I can’t see your PC for long time either Cat Kids. We no see you kinda like bad guy? You’re the best scammer evar! Mr. 51%’s response:

Why would I think you’re a bad guy?  That makes me sad that you would say that.  Super sad.

Nobody likes when Mr. 51% is super sad. Will keep this thread updated with anymore responses from Cat Kids. If any of our visitors know that address, know Cat Kids aka dias sapoetra or would like to email him please let us know so we can finally meets him in personz.

Email: step1_996@yahoo.com

Address:
rungkoet mejoyoe
soerabayae, 43220
jwatem, Indonesia

Phone: 031456233 (The number he gave us to contact him at, but it’s mysteriously short a few numbers.)

Thanks for this inform friendly Assault Blog readers!