Assault Shirts will make you look like a fat hooker
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I stumbled upon a video today of a few ladies trying on some American Apparel clothing. It being that they are our suppliers of our shirts I thought I would post a link back to the video…
Apparently, our shirts will make you look like a fat hooker. Well wait, I take that back. After watching the video again it looks as though they are mostly talking about the dated short shorts, and unflattering 80s workout clothes that I don’t think anyone buys anyways.
Although I would love to see Craig try to squeeze into one of these purple pants + green unitard combinations. In all seriousness though, who actually wears this stuff? Besides those chicks in the Call on Me video of course…
To this day I have yet to find a shirt that fits nicer than the 2001 American Apparel Fine Jersey Tee. (and the Baby Rib for Women) Sure, it probably just fits tighter cause it’s made for skinny people, but it makes Craig’s muscles look big, and that’s saying something. The other thing I’ve noticed about them besides them being highly overpriced and comfortably fitting is that they’re durable. I’ve had gildan shirts, hanes beefy tees, and all sorts of other off the wall brands, but after 20 or so washes they stretch, colors fade, and they make it look like a guy with a beer belly is wearing my clothes to sleep at night when I’m not around. Now, I’m not saying that I know exactly what I’m doing when I wash my clothes, but I seperate darks and whites. I use the proper temperature water when washing. Cold for colors and hot for whites–and I don’t use bleach!
That shit still fades. Not cool. If you’re fat and you try to squeeze into a M or a L from American Apparel, you may not look all that great, but honestly… who really does look great in purple and green unitards? I’m almost unbearable in the normal fitting t-shirt and jeans.
/Timmy steps off his anti-feminist soap box
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About the Author
Tim is the co-owner of Assault, and is responsible for the design and development of both Assault Shirts.com as well as AssaultBLOG.com. He has a dog named Dakota, and currently resides in Chicago.
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It’s true. Timmy can be pretty unbearable.